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Originally Posted by james vick
Hey Bill post the rules for oakcliff motor sports I can't find them.
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Okay ... you asked for them.
Me and my cousin (both into imports and both grew up in Oak Cliff, a suburb of south Dallas most in need of good
PR) came up with these rules, a parody of another local import club (now defunct?) that kept changing its name and had rather strict rules.
Enough backstory ... here they are for your amusement:
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Oak Cliff Motorsports Club Member Rules
1) At least one, but not all four, of the car's corners must be lowered. However, if one corner is lowered due to an accident that was the drivers fault, the application fee may be waived if and only if the pledge agrees to take a punch from the sergeant at arms of the club.
2) Either a minimum of 2 square feet of red primer or 10 hail dents must be displayed at all times. Failure to display the proper amount of primer and/or hail dents will result in all members tag-teaming your significant other.
3) Displaying a buyer's license tag at least 2 months out of date makes you eligible to be an officer of the club. A windshield sticker that has been expired for over a year qualifies you to run for the presidency of the club, as well as a monthly "date" with one of the official club hoodrats (female, male or our newbie “Bobby”).
4) Christ For The Nations parking stickers are acceptable if they are on a bumper that did not come originally with the car. Free lifetime membership if a valid license plate came with it. Even more brownie points if remnants of any roadkill is still attached to the bumper.
5) At least two components of your car must have been "borrowed"; i.e., possess the VIN number of an automobile other than your own. Parts removed from the Dallas Auto Pound are not eligible unless you borrowed the whole car and exited the pound by other than the front gate.
6) Leather interiors must be split in at least 75% of the seating area; cloth interiors must display at least one embarrassing stain (if not, an embarrassing stain OF OUR CHOOSING will be provided for you). Fake sheepskin car seats are allowed if they ride up at least once during a driving event, and must have chewing gum and/or Skittles bonded to them in a prominent location, and must have no less than two joint burns somewhere on the fabric.
7) If the car is still under warranty, you must leave the club (Daewoo owners are exempted from this rule). Hyundai owners must sign a release to be considered exempt; however, since their cars will be spending most of the time in the dealer service dept. for their free warranty work, their membership may be revoked anyway for excessive absenteeism. Furthermore, owners of any Korean make will be subject to merciless hazing, bordering on brutality, during membership rush week.
8) Owners of any defunct British make (before any American/German buyouts of that company) automatically qualify for membership without conforming to Rules 1 through 6 above (as it is only a matter of time before they will).
9) As part of membership rush week, you must drive through Highland Park until you have been pulled over at least once. To be an officer, you must have been subjected to a strip search. As well, anyone without an arrest warrant currently in force in either Dallas or Tarrant counties will not be considered members in good standing.
10) If you meet all the above criteria, you will be presented with your choice (subject to availability and operating condition of the Pep Boys security camera) of a deodorizing crown for your back windowsill or a chainlink licence plate holder, so you can be original … just like everyone else.
President
Hampton Ledberry III
Primer red and gray Honda Prelude wiff twunnies/currently incarcerated
Vice Prez
Paco "Bueno" Sanchez
Smatched up 72-through-74 Chevy Nova/mostly blue/7 kids/my old lady outweighs me
Sergeant at Arms
Butch “Token White Boy” Batters
Brown 71 Duster/lowered and gutted like a fish
Treasurer
Hu Flung Pu
Silver 95 Toyota Supra/Enkies/raised, then lowered/Made in Red China exhaust/fog lights (still in box in trunk going on 2 years now)
Secretary
Slut Tess Tickles
White 95 Maxima/lowered w/ curtains and heavy tint/Eibach “HoKit” rear springs
We meet at the Sportatorium (Cadiz/Industrial) in Dallas every Friday night so we can cruise Industrial Blvd and then Jefferson Blvd; then we go "borrow" cars. And don't forget that every Labor Day, the club sponsors our yearly "Sideswipe the Riceball" event, which awards points to club members for chalking up the most ricer paints scrapes on their fenders within a six hour period. The collision must be documented either by pictures or camcorder and must also be witnessed by a member in good standing who was scratching his balls when the collision occurred.
